Bouquet
by WeDidItForTheDead
Summary: Rima is a golem. She is stolen before she is complete. Now, all she wants is to be human, but she is stuck on a ship with some odd characters. Can she gain emotions, a personality, and a life? One other thing: Can golems fall in love?
1. Preparations

**Ean: Rewrote the first chapter. This will probably be my main story. But please don't expect that to mean constant updates. I'm not that reliable. If you know the previous chapter, please tell me your opinion on the changes. Thank you.**

I am not human. I know this, yet I still yearn I did not. Would anyone really know? Of course they would. I'm not real. You can't love someone who isn't real.

But why do I yearn? Why do I ask these questions? I am not human. I do not feel.

I don't think. The space that resembles a cranium is hollow, as if housing blank sheets without a writing instrument.

I know this for my master has told me so. My master created me. He dug me from clay and formed me. He alters me and strives to make me more humanoid. To him, I am a failed experiment. My master is not unkind, he is just not sentimental. The only things that bring a smile to his lips are flowers, especially ri. I know not the reason.

I cannot help responding to the word ri. The way letters and syllables are put together in the human language is so intriguing. Two little letters can mean so much. I have said that I respond to the word, but ri is not my name. I have no name. I am nothing special. I am not human.

But I have a human form, assumed to be female. My innards are bare. I am a figure, still attached to the clay beneath me. My outer layer is ashen. My eye sockets are colorless. My head is smooth. I am an unattractive base with little purpose in life.

Correction: I have no purpose. I have no life.

I am not human.

~{B}~

"Golem!" I disengage myself from the earth and follow my master's voice. It led me to the workroom. I am directed to sit upon the table. My master's dark emerald eyes focused on me with great determination. "Golem, I was provided with an opportunity to sell more like you. I want to upgrade you and make you more desirable." My master adjusts the accessory atop his nose. "Musashi! Bring the supplies we agreed upon!"

A younger human male that looked similar to my master approached us with grace and a basket full of unfamiliar items. "Here you go Kairi-sensei."

"Thank you Musashi." My master turns towards me with a knife in hand. He proceeds to cut an incision from the base of my throat to the top of where hips are generally located. I feel no pain.

It took hours to be perfect. A metal rod was placed inside of me to perform like a spine. A pendulum was set ticking inside the cavity of my chest as many wires were threaded throughout my body and connected to a battery pack that housed the energy it provided. Heat circulated from my toes to fingertips, making me feel alive.

A section of the rods was cut out, revealing its hollow interior. Reeds were placed inside. Bellows were attached to the rod so that the may move air through the reeds to produce sound when needed. Is this what is called speaking? My master vetoed any plan for a digestive system, instead equipping me with a copper plate to prevent any food from entering my person.

Smooth clay made my eyeballs. To make them more human, my master encrusted them with topaz. Spider legs were attached to the rim as eyelashes. Rose petals stuck to my mouth as lips.

Assuming we were finished, I stood on my newly sculpted legs that were reinforced with sticks and stones as bones. "Wait." I turned my unblinking gaze back to my master as he coaxed me back to the table.

"This," my master says as he holds an object out to me, "is a relic." Before me was something odd, like nothing else in my world. It was made of colors like captured sunlight; so bright that my eyes stung. The material was opaque and I got the sense of fragility. "This is also known as a Faberge egg, known for holding souls of the deceased." My master moved the instrument that clouded his eyes further up his nose before placing the object within the cavity of my torso. "Of course, such wives-tales are foolish. It is just a theory that Musashi convinced me of. The pendulum is much more reliable." He nudged the ticking weight inside of me, putting more momentum behind the motion before sealing me up with bits of wire and cage. They act as ribs. They aren't real bone.

The top of my head, around the temples, was then removed. As stated before, the area was hollow. "We have only experimented, with no entirely preferable results, so for tomorrow we will only use daisies and keep that small bit of cattail already present. Musashi, do you believe that these will be enough?'

"Of course, Kairi-sensei. Your judgement is most reasonable." My master's assistant bent at the waist, a movement I have seen among humans many times.

"The roots shall embed themselves in the space of this night. Her personality will come slowly and we will adjust it as the time comes. Musashi, please continue to put the hair on. I need to contact our investor and set up a meeting for tomorrow."

"Yes Kairi-sensei." The boy took up some boiled golden wheat and carefully, strand by strand, sewed it into my epidermis. When he finished, he handed me a loose dress to cover my imperfections. I'm not human, but if all went well, I looked the part.

~{B}~

"Golem, come!" The command is harsh but familiar, and I follow it without hesitation.

My movements are fluid, humanoid, as I approach my master. My mouth opens, but no sound emits. I am not permitted to speak.

"Is this the creature you described, Sanjo?" a portly man in a tuxedo addressed my master.

"Yes, sir. I apologize that she is not much to look at." Would a human take this offensively?

"What is her sell price?" The man's gaze gave me the same sensation as when worms nested in my clay. Was this a feeling, an emotion? Was it positive or negative? I was still as he continued to assess me.

"Sir, my apologies for misleading you, but she is not for sale. I would be glad to sell you a smarter, more functional copy for a reasonable price."

The man's gaze directed its self on my master. "I do not want a copy. I want her."

"As I said," my master's voice became intense. Why is that? "She is not for sale."

The man examined his nails. "Everything is for sale if the correct price is offered." He looked up. "Tell me, Sanjo, when was the last time you saw your wife?"

My master's spine stiffened and the intake of air from his lungs halted temporarily. "Where is Yaya?"

The man's fleshy lips turned up in a smile of amusement. "I'd be glad to tell you, once the golem is in my possession."

"I- I will make the trade." My master lowered his head and his green hair covered his eyes.

The man made a noise with his fingers, and one of his gray suited lackeys paid attention. "Make sure the prisoner is ready for transport tomorrow." The man looked at my master. "Make sure you do the same." The man dismissed himself from the room.

I followed my master from the room. I looked up at him, for I am shorter, and saw a foreign sight. Liquid was dripping form my master's eyes. Was this another human thing?

**Ean: If you reviewed last time, you can review again as anonymous ;) Next... two chapters are written? Bare bones of the next five are written.**


	2. Complications

"Golem, I deeply regret having to make this decision." My master and I were alone in the workroom later than usual. The air was at a temperature that it commonly was when everyone else was gone from my sight.

My cranium was once again removed and rested beside me as my master worked inside.

"Yaya is just too important," my master explained as more brown cattails went above my line of sight. "You were supposed to be the daughter than I could never give her. When she was taken… I couldn't think about anything but getting her back. I filled my days with erfecting you so that I could make Hoshina happy," he continued as forget-me-nots were selected. "Ah, curiosity and memory. These are very important. Remember, golem, that flowers are of utmost importance to your development and personality. Yaya would have approved." That rare smile touched my master's lips as he spoke that feminine name. What is she to him? I took his reaction as a positive thing, but water still traveled down his cheeks, decidedly negative. I do not understand humans.

My head was sealed and my pendulum reset before I went back into my cell to wait.

~{B}~

That man was back and so was that wormy feeling.

"I approve of your choice, Sanjo," the man announced as ran a hand down my face. I decided that this was very negative.

"Please, just give me Yaya so we may get this whole fiasco over with." Looks were exchanged between both men that did not look positive. This must be a negative atmosphere.

The man that was not my master adjusted the piece of fabric tied about his neck, much like a noose. Humans have strange traditions that I will never understand, for I am not human. "Have patience Sanjo. Just hand over the golem and all will go smoothly."

Fingers pressed into my wrist, indenting the clay there. "First, show me Yaya."

"I am nothing if not reasonable." Two of his fingers brushed and that loud sound was produced. To a figure in the back, the man said, "bring her forth."

"Sir, there is a … complication," the figure replied.

"Complications?" The nesting feeling intensified.

"We-"

Noise stopped as a vibrant red painted the front of his shirt. The color scattered onto surrounding walls and people, as if trying to escape from the slash in the figure's throat.

More unknown figures entered the space, but unlike the strange man's companions, these ones brought with them the sunbright colors of the world outside.

The gray room was soon the color of roses as more figures in monochromatic suits fell to the floor as if their muscles had just given out, or the cut to their throats has severed puppeteer's strings. Was this what they described as chaos? Many events were occurring at once and my consciousness couldn't keep up.

A sunbright invader, one with hair like violets, fell into me. My pendulum started ticking erratically and my limbs went rigid. I understood enough to know that I couldn't function without my pendulum and soon everything stopped.

**Ean: Short, but it was a natural break before the next chapter. That's when the real story starts ;) **


	3. Introductions

**Ean: Now you get to meet the other characters! If you didn't notice, I rewrote the first chapter, so those of you who skipped might be confused.**

I regained consciousness to a pair of eyes. Their color was the same topaz as mine, but I got the impression that she was really human, unlike me.

"I wondered if you were alive," she said in a voice like chilled honey.

I tried to reply, curious about her, but only a slight buzzing came out, for I was unaccustomed to speaking.

"I doubt that you are though. You don't exactly look human," she kept going as she closed the cage over my restarted pendulum and helped me redress.

'I'm not human' is what I wanted to say, but again only a faint buzzing was heard.

"Come meet the others," she instructed in her cool voice.

A door creaked open and more light than I had ever witnessed before flooded in.

New things presented themselves as I ascended those few steps into the sun. I had never been outside before and the sun was just a fairy tale I'd heard mentioned.

A rocking motion that I had barely detected while below was now intensified and I knew why. Water, more than I had ever seen before, surrounded he platform I was on. The whole vessel was made of the same material as the small twigs that littered my cell at home.

The sky was blue, bluer than forget-me-nots. The air was cool and crisp whilst the sun bore down hotly. Why was there such a contradiction?

More importantly: where was I? And why?

"Yaya told you she was real!" a weight I'd never expected landed on me and I soon found myself staring up at that foreign blue sky.

"Of course she's real," another voice added. "We didn't think we were imagining her."

A shadow past over the sky and I was soon looking into eyes the color of the chocolate Musashi sometimes snuck. "Yaya wonders if it's human."

"No way," the voice of the topaz eyed girl answered.

"Don't be mean," the third voice I'd heard before, now I realize it's masculine, chided.

I sat back up and looked each one of them in the eyes: topaz, chocolate, and agapanthus.

"She's so cute!" the girl who always speaks in third person squealed.

"She- she's okay…" the cool one muttered, twirling a lock of hair the color of carnations.

The only man I'd seen so far wrapped one arm around the girl's waist, a sign of affection. "Typical cool and spicy Amu. We all know you really think she's adorable."

"Whatever…" her voice trailed off, but she kept looking at me with shiny eyes.

"But the question," the man continued, "is whether or not she's worth anything, not if she's human."

"Not…" my voice finally wheezed out, "human."

The trio stared at me. Silence, all but the waves crashing against the vessel. Finally, the girl with chocolate eyes announced, "it speaks!"

Soon, I was drowning in questions I couldn't answer. "What's your name?" "Where'd you come from?" "What _are _you?"

"I…" my voice was still strange, all high and reedy. "I don't know."

"Hush." The male finally stepped up and put one hand over each female's mouth. "It's nice to meet you, who ever you are. I am Ikuto. This," he nodded to the rosette in his left hand, "is Amu, my bipolar girlfriend." The girl rolled her eyes. "And this," he gestured to the other hand, "is Yaya. She has some weird sort of amnesia."

The girl introduced as Yaya struggled free of Ikuto's hand. "Yaya just woke up one day with this strange gross man and he was really mean but then Nagi and Ikuto and everybody-"

"I see you've all made a new friend," a boy interjected from behind me. Following the rest, I turned to face him and recognized the violet like hair. "So, we gained Yaya, again, and you guys got a new toy. But am I the only one who noticed that we lost Hoshina?"

"Calm down Nagi," the blue boy said. "We'll find him again. We always do."

"Calm down? Do you not realize what we've done? We killed those guys! No, I killed those guys, just so you could get a plaything? I _love _the fact that I'm the only one who cares that he's still out there, still killing and tormenting and all of that stuff that we hate!" The boy kept ranting, his face turning a nice poinsettia color. When no one spoke, he turned around and stomped off to the other side of the… boat?

"And that," Ikuto explained, "is Nagihiko. He's not usually so… emotional, but Hoshina's a touchy subject for him. Don't know why, really."

"Where are we?" I ask, adjusting to the sensation of speaking.

"On a boat," Amu replied, given me a smile that I did not expect. "You know what a boat is, right?"

I look around my surroundings. "A house that lives in the middle of water?" I guessed, my voice showing curiosity with each spoken word. Curiosity is the only emotion I possess.

Laughter comes from somewhere out of my line of sight. "Hey, no one told me the toy woke up!"

"She's not a toy!" Amu growls. In stead of being offended, the boy comes into view and ruffles her hair like feathers, smiling the whole time. His eyes were emerald, like my masters and his hair was the color of autumn leaves.

"Well, she sure asks a lot of questions." He smiles at me.

"I don't know much?" Every sentence I say ends up a question, to my annoyance.

Yaya jumps up and down excitedly. "Then Yaya and her friends will teach you!"

The name makes me remember, remember something from while the flowers were being put in. "Yaya? Does Yaya know my master?"

"You're master?" Yaya's head tilts and I can tell that she's thinking in her childish way. "Yaya doesn't remember much. What is her new friend's master's name?"

"Master's name is… Kairi. Kairi Sanjo."

Her chocolate eyes widen as if she really did remember something. "New friend knows Kairi? Yaya wants to know!"

But then I was pulled away by the new guy. "I'm Kukai! So, you really don't know what a boat is?"

"I don't?"

"Nah, you had it totally wrong. A boat is something that takes you across water to another piece of land. Right now, we're going to the island of Warai," Kukai explained.

"What is Warai?"

A loud sound came from the man named Kukai. It came out in bursts of sound, much like 'ha.' "Warai," he elaborated, "is an island. It lies in the southern part of the ocean and is inhabited by nomadic tribes. It's actually a very fun place to visit."

I gazed off into the distance, expecting to spot this Warai. "Why do you travel there?"

"We're... searching for something. But mostly, we're just going to have fun. It's a fun island," Kukai answered with a smile. We should be there soon."

"I have another question: why is the man called Nagihiko so... unpleasant?"

The loud sound once again sounded. "His story is complicated. On a usual day, he's a terrible flirt and wouldn't let you out of his sight. But him and that man have... discordance." A dark look moved over his features. "Not that any of us can blame him."

"I am... confused? And if he is terrible at being this flirt thing, then why does he continue to do it?" It made no sense to me. Why do something you're terrible at?

"Wow... You have a lot to learn, my dear golem friend."

Kukai continued to each me facts about this outside world, but I was concerned by something I saw. Yaya had a negative expression on her face as she peered closely at a ring of metal, specifically the inner ring. What was she thinking?

**Ean: Okay, so some suspense and building up for future chapters, but not all right away.  
>Alexenne: Ean has two or three more chapters before she's out of pre-written stuff.<br>Nexa: So be prepared to say bye-bye.  
>Ean: Maybe... I'll try to update every day for the next few chapters, but then the Warai arc is over and I'll probably disappear for a while again. Sorry, but I might as well be honest.<br>Alexenne: But this is a loooong story, so it won't be given up on!  
>Ean: Nope, I have many ideas, but I'm just too lazy and procrastinating to update like ponyopwnsyou143 does.<br>Nexa: So enjoy it while you can!  
>Ean: Please, enjoy the story and tell me how to improve!<br>**


	4. Limitations

**Ean: It feels weird when I don't put this at the beginning of a chapter, so I don't own Shugo Chara, okay?**

"Yaya spots land!" I looked over to where everyone was headed, surprised to see a line of brown on the horizon. "Oh! Yaya also sees grass and lots and lots of flowers!"

Curious, I stand next to her and try to see what she sees. "There's lavender, sunflowers, violets, ri…" I glance over her as she speaks the word, responding out of habit. "The ri's so pretty this time of year!" Again, I look over.

"Is ri your name?" Amu finally asks, having noticed my interest.

I shake my head. "I am not human. I have no name."

"Well, Yaya will call you Ri then!" The girl announced proudly.

"Yaya, Ri's not an acceptable name. How about Risa?" Amu countered.

"You're both thinking about this wrong," Ikuto interjected. "You're new name is now Rima, the traveling flower*****. Is that okay?" I nod, pleased to have a name. I'm one step closer to being human.

The boat bumped against the shore and everybody except Yaya and I leapt to tie it down.

"Let's go see the flowers!" Yaya demands as she pulls me from the deck and onto the sandy beach. The flowers weren't too far from the water and we swiftly climbed the small incline. "Roses!" Yaya exclaimed in delight.

Yaya picked a perfect blossom and placed it in my hair. I felt pinpricks as the roots probed the wheat until they found the soft clay beneath.

Soon, our crewmates came and joined us, searching through the field of mixed flowers until they found ones that suited them.

"Are you done socializing yet?" Nagihiko approaches us, but this time he was unexpectedly pleasant.

"Hi," I greet him the way Kukai taught me. "My name's Rima."

He smiled in a disarming way and grasped my hand lightly. "Pleasure to meet you. I'm Nagihiko."

A new sensation washed over me and I was suddenly aware of my skin. It felt dry and tight, but that wasn't the only strange thing. It felt as if birds and butterflies had become trapped in my stomach and were fighting to come out.

"Nice rose," he commented. "A beautiful flower for a beautiful girl."

The sun warmed my face more than usual and I brought up one hand to shield it. Surprisingly, the clay there had lightened and started to crack. That tight feeling was me drying out.

I stood there, confused about what was happening, until Yaya happened to notice as well.

"Oh no! Rima, what's happening?"

"The clay is… drying?" I hesitated, not really sure myself.

"Quick! Get her in water!" Amu panicked.

Hands pulled me back to the water's edge, submerging me in the salty liquid. Immediately, I felt heavy and bogged down. I struggled to resurface, and when I did, I felt a whole new kind of bad. "This doesn't feel right."

Water poured out of my chest and my dress clung tightly. My skin was dark and dripping, like mud.

"Did Yaya and Amu get Rima too wet?" Now Yaya was panicking too.

"I… think so?" I slowly trudged my way out of the water and wrung the excess liquid from the thin fabric of my dress. Slowly, I started to dry out to a healthy moistness. "I think I should be careful?"

"Definitely," Kukai answered.

Laughter, no, giggling came from nearby. What was with me hearing people before seeing them? Well, soon I saw her. She was beautiful. Actually, more like cute. She really looked just like me.

"Hi, are you new here?" she asked, giggling into her hands.

"Just passing through," Nagihiko replied.

"It's good that I got to meet you before you left then," she said, smiling the whole time. Her eyes were bright like topaz in the sun and her hair was golden like mine, but straight instead of slightly waved. Her outfit was odd; bright rose with lily polka dots. "Let me be the first to welcome you to Warai Island, home of the nomadic acrobats. I'm Kusukusu, from the Chara tribe. Are you here for Circus?"

"Actually," Nagihiko once again answered for us, "we're looking for a man named Hoshina. Ever heard of him?"

Kusukusu's smile instantly dropped. "We don't like him around here. He just showed up and took over. He doesn't like fun much, does he?'

"He likes control," Ikuto said bitterly. "All of us have witnessed that, haven't we?" Everyone nodded, including me. It seems as if our group has some stories.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kusukusu said, yet she was once again smiling. "Any enemy of Hoshina's is a friend of ours! Welcome! Please, follow me back to my camp."

They crew that housed me looked at each other in silent agreement. I was just along for the ride. I had no say in this. I wasn't human.

~{}~

It was obvious when we got to the camp. Colors were flying high and laughter was constant background music. Everyone greeted us with a smile, despite not knowing anything about us.

Can they tell that I'm not human? It must be obvious. Does Kusukusu know? Will she think less of me?

These thoughts stop as we stop in front of a colorful tent. Kusukusu invited us in and we all sat around the circular edge. "Welcome," the native said, "to my home."

Everything was colorful and fun. It was hard not to be happy. "Please, eat all that you'd like."

The rest of the crew dug in like starving animals while I sat there and watched. I'd seen food before, but never so much. It looked like art and seemed like such a waste to eat it.

"Won't you eat?" Kusukusu asked as she sat herself next to my side.

"I can't," was my reply and I opened my mouth so she might see the plate in my mouth. "I'm not human."

Her eyes softened in sympathy. "Come with me." Her hand embraced mine and I was once again dragged away.

Another field stretched in front of us, this time in the opposite direction. Finding a nice patch, Kusukusu sat down and motioned for me to do the same. "Tell all," she instructed.

So I did. I explained how I was a kidnapped/ left by choice golem who needed flowers to function. I detailed living with master Kairi and waking on the ship and not being human. She sat through the whole thing and listened patiently.

"It sounds," she finally said, "like you need a friend."

She then started talking to me. She told me stories about growing up in a tribe of acrobats that moved location with the wind. She painted me a picture of words while talking about Circus, the huge holiday that took place every year where tribes met up and put on shows for each other. She introduced me to her whole life and invited me to become part of it. "We'll make memories," she said while braiding forget-me-nots into a cluster around my ear, "A flower for every memory."

"I would like very much to remember you," I say, smiling as she adds a sunflower to the bouquet. "You're my friend, right?"

"More than that. We're sisters." She smiles at me and holds out her smallest finger. I stare at her and she motions her hand until I hold mine up as well. Her finger grasps mine and she shakes them. "Look Rima, a funny face," she says as she pulls her cheeks wide and sticks her tongue out. I laugh, something new and unexpected.

We stay there in our moment until the sun wanes and the moon greets us with its glowing face. Yawning, Kusukusu grabs my hand and guides me through the dark.

The beacon of firelight leads us to the camp, but both of us know something is wrong. There is no singing, no laughter.

Running, Kusukusu pulls me along until we find the commotion. It was a new type of chaos; silent chaos. Everyone was in a ring around a man and his look alike henchmen. "Hoshina," Kusukusu breathes in my ear.

As she says it, I recognize the overweight man and the sensation of nesting worms. I now know that it's unease and utter distaste. This man was so… vile.

In his hand was a woman's shirt, still on the woman. She was elderly and had a terrified expression on her features. I spotted Nagihiko, glaring at him as if his gaze could burn, and Ikuto holding him back.

We were nearby and I heard Ikuto whisper, "Going out there now will only get her killed."

But Kusukusu didn't hear it, or just didn't care. "Grandmother!" She cried as she pushed through the crowd and straight into the empty center.

"Quiet, child," Hoshina commanded. "Just hand over the Embryo and your granny is free to go."

"We don't have any embryo!" Kusukusu cried. "How many times must I tell you this?" Water, now known as tears fell down her face in rivers.

"I will listen to you tell me, but I know that you're lying. I have searched every other island in this god-forsaken ocean, and you're the last in along line. It must be here," he decides.

"St-" Kusukusu is stopped by a blade to her throat. The metal glinted threateningly in the moon and firelight. It danced betwen silver and gold, but the foreboding black undertone stayed throughout.

"Do you know what this is?" Hoshina threatens, pushing the black blade closer. "This is half of the X blade. Still fatal, even without its other half. One more word, and you'll see my prove my point."

Kusukusu stayed still as tears kept pouring down her cheeks. I watched her, not knowing what to feel. None of my flowers covered grief, sadness, fear, or anything negative. All I could do was remember this forever.

I would also remember Nagihiko, pulling free from Ikuto and charging towards Hoshina. The blade reacted before Nagihiko could reach them. It sliced downward, between both collarbones. The blood looked crimson, evil, as it snaked down the blade. Kusukusu crumpled as her life pooled out of her.

I ran, nearly missing the sight of Nagihiko pulling his own blue tipped dagger and whispering, "For Nade," as it leapt to Hoshina's jugular, silencing any more threats he planned on making.

I knelt by Kusukusu, watching the blood seep out, knowing not how to stop it. "Amu! Anyone! Help!"

"We can't help her," Amu said as she knelt down beside me, tears falling from her eyes as well.

"Restart her pendulum like you did to me!" I demanded.

"Rima, I can't. She's human. She… she's going to die." Amu cried, sobs coming from her chest, loud until she muffled them into Ikuto's shirt.

"Rima…" Kusukusu said faintly. "Take my blood."

"No," I say. "I can't do that to you. Maybe if we put it back in…"

"Rima," Kusukusu says again, "it won't help. Put my blood in your egg. Then you'll be carrying me with you wherever you go. Who knows, maybe you'll get your soul."

"I don't want a soul," I whisper towards her. "I want you to live."

"Rima, no matter what, that won't happen. Just take it." She smiles at my one more time and I lose all sense of choice. In that moment, all that matters is what she wants.

"Okay," I concede as I slip down the strap of my dress and open the cage. The egg rests inside and I gently pull it out. A small latch delicately opens and I rest the edge by her wound, letting the blood drip in. Such a ghastly thing really made a beautiful picture.

"Thank you," Kusukusu whispers to me. "I told you we'd have memories, didn't I?"

"Not like this," I whisper back. "Come back. Come back…"

She giggles and then closes her eyelids. "I'm going to sleep now, okay?" And it really did seem like she was sleeping, forever dreaming about a happy place full of flowers where Circus was endless. But I couldn't ignore it when her chest stopped moving and her hand in mine went limp. At that moment, I wished I were human more than anything. I wished I could cry and mourn her death.

But I'm not human, so I picked up my egg and replaced it in my chest, hoping that something good might come out of this.

**Ean: ... Yeah. It makes me sad, but I was planning this for a while. At least you got some insight into some characters, right? And Hoshina's gone! ... Now what? Well, reviews are appreciated. Good day.**

*** Ri means jasmine flowers and ma is a unit of measurement. I improvised.**


	5. Valedictions

It's been a day. One day. Everyone else slept through the night as I sat and watched. I wanted to feel something, but there was nothing for me to feel. This want… is it new? I feel a weight in my chest that was never there before. Was it the egg? When I took Kusukusu's blood, there wasn't a burst of magic. Maybe my master was right; maybe it is just a wive's- tale. The heaviness returned.

I left the tent they gave us. It had been Kusukusu's, made only to fit one. I do not know how we all managed to fit in its red and white, diamond cut patterned confines.

The moon gazed down on me, us, as I ventured out. It accused me, wondering how I did not grieve when it had witnessed the same as I. I wondered the same thing. But the moon had no right! I could have asked it the same thing as it sat in the sky, cradled by stars, still full and beautiful. It should be waning. It should be dark. It should be raining, crying. So should I.

The field of flowers wasn't very far. I walked away from the accusing moon and towards the shadowed waters. I past the grasses, roses, sunflowers, poppies, and ri. I past all of the happy emotions and went straight to the edge. It was away from the ship, but still by gray sand.

I found the perfect flower; a bluebell. It hung low on the stem, as if it were mourning. Its beautiful stamina was blocked by close hanging petals. The petals dressed themselves in blue, the color of sadness. Not bright blue, like the sea at midday, but the dark, agapanthus blue that I associated with Ikuto. It was the color of his eyes, his hair. Ikuto was always sad, except when he was with Amu. The blue got brighter, happier- like the sea- when he was with her. But this flower was dark and sad, like he was any other time.

I placed this flower into my hair, letting the prickling roots make themselves at home. As the roots pricked my scalp, a similar sensation occurred in my eyes. A small stream of water leaked out, most likely left over from when Yaya soaked me.

My head bent and the water continued to leak out. Finally, I felt like I was feeling the right emotion. Kusukusu, I _miss _you.

~{B}~

"Rise and shine!" Amu called as the sun lit our tent the next morning. I just looked at her, not have fallen or ever been able to reflect light.

"What do you mean?"

Her movement stopped except for her mouth opening and then closing without any sound. Had her reeds given out? "It's just a saying," she finally explained. "It means wake up and be your best."

"I never sleep and am nothing less than best." Amu tilted her head. Was this a new emotion?

"Rima's voice is different! It's lower and doesn't ask so many questions!" Yaya observed loudly. "Did something change?"

I took some time to think. Could I even think now? I felt. Well, I felt some things. Like that heavy feeling. It hadn't disappeared, not even after last night's adventure. This flower was having more of an affect than I had anticipated. Unconsciously, I reached up to stroke the petals while saying, "I do not like sadness."

"None of us do," Ikuto said as he touched my head in a way I assume to convey companionship.

"I will get rid of it." I grasped the blue flower of sadness and prepared to pull, but a gentler hand stopped me.

"Yaya thinks we need sadness," the girl said. "The only way to overcome it is to add more happiness."

One of her hands was outstretched towards me. Not sure what to do, I gently laid my own palm in her own. In response, she grasped it tightly and pulled it in a different direction, leading my body with it. I looked back to see everyone becoming smaller. Ikuto and Amu were laughing and Kukai was going around talking to various natives. He held his stomach in a way I assumed was pain, yet he did not bleed, nor cry out. It mustn't have been a strong pain. Yaya was still ahead, silently leading me. Where was Nagihiko?

I turned to see us approach the all too familiar field of flowers. My forget-me-nots may run out from the amount being spent on this place. She led me into the thicket.

"Poppies," Yaya announce as we stopped midst the rainbow flora. "You need poppies." She gently plucked a handful and started braiding them down the front of one lock of hair. My lips curved up in a way I see a lot on other people as Yaya's fingers brushed against my scalp: the only place I felt such contact.

"Is Rima happy yet?" Yaya asked when she was finished.

Happy… "I don't think so." The weight was gone, but something was still missing. I felt the way a plant feels when it finally breaks ground, but hasn't spread its bloom yet. "I do not think I will be truly happy until I am human. But I am full of thanks for Yaya. The sadness has receded into its blossom."

Yaya tilted her head questioningly. "Rima doesn't know much, does she? But she once mentioned K-"

"Yaya! Come help me!" Nagihiko called from farther down the beach, interrupting whatever Yaya had been saying. "You can bring that _thing_ too."

At least I now know where Nagihiko is.

"Rima's not a thing!" Yaya yelled back as we started traveling to his position by the ship. "She's a… a…," Yaya faltered.

"Golem," I finished.

"Yeah! Nagihiko shouldn't insult Rima for being different!"

"Of course not," he conceded. "I meant no harm." His words were ones of apology, but the way his eyes darted to me seemed contradictory.

"Where have you been?" I finally asked, the cattails getting the best of me. If there was one thing I didn't like, it was not knowing. Master had drilled facts into my forget-me-nots, and I asked Kukai as many questions as possible just to avoid that irritation. But it wasn't emotional like I see on Musashi when he can't follow Master's train of thought. It's more like pricks in my cranium, as if the part that transfer the emotion from the flowers is searching for the right one, but it's missing.

Nagihiko just stared at me, those eyes like two black star sapphires. His face was a dead garden; emotionless. "Where have I been?" he replied stonily. "I've been on this ship since before the moon rose, sleeping on the deck, and waking before the moon set just to prepare it for launch tonight while the rest of you slept all cozy in a tent, ignoring all responsibility." His eyes narrowed, reminding me of the thorns on a rose. "Where have _you_ been?"

"As you said, I was in the tent," I replied, thinking it quite obvious. Why would he ask a question when he already knew the answer? There was a weird sensation on my scalp, an almost itching, like the sensation caused by toxic ivy. It was searching, confused as to what it found. Maybe I was missing an emotion? Or there was the possibility that I had a similar emotion to the one sought, there being many sub-categories to feelings. No matter the cause, the probing caused irritation, a soft pain.

With an exaggerated roll of his eyes (quite pointless, really. I mean, how could you see anything around you when moving them that fast?), Nagihiko turned around and mounted the ship once again. "Yaya, will you please help me with these ropes?" His voice didn't rise, making it more a demand than a question.

The autumn colored haired girl complied, albeit reluctantly. Even her, in her optimistic viewpoint on everything, could see the bitter poison within Nagihiko's words. They worked on rolling sails, tightening ropes, and other general up-keeping that I did not know the purpose of. I waited, stretching my senses to my base, letting the familiarity of the ground beneath me send soothing waves. No matter where I was, the earth was always the same: the same spirit, presence, and sense of home. Just staying there, my flowers on break and my host still, I could feel… something. Not emotions, or warmth, or anything else I'd expect. It was peace, calm, serenity. Everything else was gone and it was like when I was just clay, part of the earth, with no clear conscious or ability to evaluate. I was just there, something a human can never be.

"Rima!" I came back to awareness, to this faux life, when I was shaken. My foundation had become unsure, detaching me from my roots. The light was dim with an orange hue, very different from when I'd last noticed it.

Blinking my eyes at Amu's hand on my arm, I asked, "Yes?"

The rosette motioned one thumb in the direction of the ship. "It's ready. We're leaving soon, so you had better say your goodbyes."

Glancing over at the ship (which didn't look much different, really), I looked back and started following her back to the camp. Yaya was ahead of us, along with Ikuto, while Nagihiko stayed on the ship, still fiddling with a few more odds and ends.

I followed obediently, all the way to the crowded camp site full of vacant emotion and water stained faces. A few eyes lingered on, with intentions I didn't recognize. I wanted to ask them, inquire as to what they were thinking, feeling, but my attention was pulled to a human, one with feminine features and skin worn with age. She looked at me with eyes pale with wisdom and narrowed like a smile. There was no confusion or mystery in them, just kindness.

They were level with mine, and when she took my hand within both of hers, I knew that I'd seen her before. "Dearest doll, Rima, was it?" she asked. I nodded my head, one vertical dip then rise. "Well, Miss Rima, I must thank you and your friends." She looked around the group. "Where is that mysterious young man, the one with such a fierce rage in a delicate little body?" A low pitched laugh came from behind me, one that soon turned into a cough. The woman ignored it and kept speaking. "He silenced that dreadful, dreadful man. That is an honorable act." She patted my hand, not needing any comment as she kept going, "Dearest Rima, you now hold Kusukusu's lifeblood, her soul. She had such a pure, pretty one. If anyone could help you find your dream, it's her. Please, appreciate it. She was a special girl, and I know that you will be too." Her eyes seemed to be shattered, with little pieces lost. There was so much to be seen in those eyes. As we said our goodbyes, water fell over them, glazing them. I saw my own reflection in their pale ocean, and in that reflection, I witnessed the cracks begin to mend. This woman was strong, like a diamond. I hoped that I would inherit that beautiful quality. I'm sure Kusukusu had.

With the final goodbyes, we departed to the ship. Eyes lacked luster and faces wilted, turning from the sunlight that had been the cheerful carnival of the nomads. If only Kusukusu could have seen how the sun set, sending out banners of poppy, carnation, and camellia to send us off. It might just be the budding lily I rescued off the floating moss rafts, but I like to imagine that that light is shots of pigment, diving through the ocean of sky to paint the petals of the summer blooms that will awaken while the sun sleeps. Maybe I'll find one of them.

Maybe it will be the one that finally turns me human.

~{B}~

The room was dark with shadows, the curtains pulled edge to edge in an effort to block the obnoxious neon of the outside world. Whether it was night or day, the artificial light blocked out the moon or sun, the greedy developers determined to beat even Mother Nature herself. Panels on the walls made up scenery you were told was out there, but no one ever ventured out to see the real thing. Even now, in her isolation of knowledge, the fallen angel was surrounding herself with unnatural darkness. A few reflective units showed an eerie white, making up a glowing orb: the moon.

Or at least what she'd learned to believe it looked like. Clouding the sky was mists and permanent fog that captured the many lights and rejected them back. She had never seen the true sky.

Running her fingers over the screen, she turned a section reflective, revealing her joyless eyes to herself. Turning away, she snatched up her cosmetic device and strung a lock of hair between the two hot plates. Purposefully avoiding her own reflected eyes, she focused all her attention on getting the white-gold strands completely straight. Don't think about him, or what he's doing. Don't think about her. Don't dwell on them for a second.

"Miss?" a timid voice called from the other side of the room, the one draped in gauzy midnight cloth. Without pausing in her task, the girl signaled for the messenger to continue. "M-miss… it seems as if your Mr. Ho- your father has been, how do I say this… defeated. He's no longer… living." The steady motion of her hands ceased, her body becoming still. "Miss? M-miss Utau?"

Viper quick, she pivoted around, that steady arm pitching the hot plates forward. Letting out a startled yelp, the news barer ducked out of the room, terrified of the heiress' anger. With its initial target gone, the tool of vanity struck the panel, leaving the to face herself in the mirrored moon, eyes vibrant with long buried life as they glared at the shattered portrait.

"Damn you," she seethed. "Damn you Ikuto."

* * *

><p><strong>Ean: Hi! It's been a while. A looong while ^^; I have nothing to say but I'm sorry and that I hope the next chapter comes quicker, but I make no promises. I'm so sorry. Thank you all for being amazing and putting up with me. I hope to take this story far ^_^<strong>


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